Sunday, October 31, 2010
Dear Chris,
If I could have one wish, it would be that you were here so that I could hug you. Not the pat-on-the-back kind that you always got from me. But a big warm close and lasting embrace so that I could show you that I'm not afraid to love you. No matter what you say or do, I love you. And I will never, ever leave you out on the street, cold or alone.
I know that I will not get this chance to hug you. I'm too late. I was too scared, afraid that your problems would rub off on me. Afraid that nothing I did or said would make a difference. Afraid of the ways we are the same. And this fear held me back from acknowledging you with dignity and love.
But you need to know that you are worthy of dignity and the unconditional love that comes with being part of a family. I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart for not being the sister that I should have been, the sister that you needed. I'm sorry that I bought into the "tough love" mentality that forces people to conform or die.
I didn't want you to die. I wanted you to live and find contentment. But I didn't understand you, what you were going through or how you felt. I didn't understand... a lot. But I never wanted you to die or disappear from my life. I sincerely miss you, brother.
I can never have my wish to hug you. But I have another wish. I wish that you know now how precious you are, and how loved you are. I wish that you feel this love and that it connects you to us forever and brings you peace.
Your sister,
Lori
